In the treatment centre programme, she was introduced to Overeaters Anonymous, a 12-step programme, where members share their support, insights and hope, as well as focusing on spiritual development. "The truth is that it is not the weight that makes you unhappy, it is your addictive behaviour and your inability to cope with emotional events or to feel in control of your life without eating or dieting to excess," she says. She entered an addiction treatment centre, where she was encouraged to strip away the addict from her personality, so that the real Natasha could emerge. "My doctor told me that I was slowly committing suicide," she says. By her early 40s, Natasha had become "morbidly" obese. The yo-yo dieting only made her situation worse. She got wrapped up, she says, in "the utter insanity of eating to excess, controlling food to excess and obsessional thinking about food". She was willing to starve herself to the point of weakness to "be thin".
She became terrified of eating in public, and was increasingly secretive and ashamed about her eating. "When you're fat, people think you're stupid and are surprised to hear intelligent sentences come out of your mouth," she says. She continued to experience prejudice from people who judged her purely on her size. Yet Natasha still found herself fighting a losing battle, particularly after her children were born.
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